


Sleep

by berniewolfe



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: During Canon, F/F, Homophobic Language, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Neurodivergent Cady Heron, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Janis is just not having a good time, Love, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Slurs, but like it's not written weird because i'm a lesbian, soft janis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:27:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29241318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berniewolfe/pseuds/berniewolfe
Summary: Janis Sarkisian and Cady Heron have been sneaking around together for the past two and a half weeks, constantly focused on keeping their secret relationship hidden from the rest of the world. Janis is terrified- a lot of painful memories are all resurfacing at once.Regina is a stone cold bitch in the first chapter, be warned.Canon fic I wrote because I'm bored. Scream at me on twitter if you want more. (@ronniesarkisian)
Relationships: Cady Heron/Janis Sarkisian
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings for nightmares , homophobia , use of the d slur and (minor) panic attacks. Enjoy!

_“Shut up space dyke!” Regina George hisses, stepping towards Janis like a predator pouncing on its prey. The art freak is completely frozen in the spot, unable to think of any kind of clever retort to put Regina back in her place._

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_“Hey! Don’t call her that!” Cady’s voice is laced with anger as she stares fiercely at the plastic, who looks just about ready to rip the small girl’s head off. Cady’s provoked expression fades a little and falters, showing the tiniest hint of pure fear as the blonde takes another step towards them, before returning to it’s vexed state. Janis grabs her girlfriends hand and holds it tight, afraid of what might happen if she ever lets go._

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_God she loves Caddy. But why does she have to be so stupidly protective._

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_“You’re both disgusting.” Regina smirks cruelly, well aware the whole cafeteria is staring and watching this unfold, and wanting to make as big a scene as possible. She’s right up in Cady’s face, which is making the redhead visibly uncomfortable as she shifts on her feet and bites the inside of her cheek. Janis hates it. She hates having to deal with this every day, she hates seeing her girlfriend get upset and she hates that if it weren’t for Cady’s inability to keep her mouth shut, she would probably be out of school right now. Or dead. Regina might’ve killed her. “I knew space lesbian would manage to trap you somehow.”_

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_That was it, the last straw for Cady. She tears away from Janis’s hold, lunging at Regina in rage. Noise erupts everywhere in the room, some people chanting ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ over and over, other people just laughing and enjoying watching this all play out in front of them. Janis hesitates. Regina deserves it, but she doesn't want to see Caddy get hurt. No teachers in the canteen are going to help her, they never do. Damian quickly runs to grab Cady before she can get herself expelled or hurt, but it’s too late, Regina has a tight hold on Cady’s hair and is already signalling to the varsity jocks._

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_Oh no. Not again._

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_Janis shakes herself and runs to stand between Cady and the football players, wanting to get their attention off of her girlfriend. At this point, the whole room has gone dead silent. They know what might come next and, even though they might not like Cady anymore, they don’t want to see it happen again. They’re coming to beat the crap out of her again. “Move, weirdo.” The boys stand in front of Janis, a little taller than her. You could hear a pin drop in this room. The only sound being Cady’s cries at Regina to let go of her hair. There is a moment of silence, Janis standing and staring at the intimidating figures in front of her and clenching her fists tight. When she finally settles on something to say and opens her mouth to speak, the obnoxious sound of the end of lunchtime bell rings in her ears. A huge sigh of relief comes out of her when she hears Mrs Norbury walk in and see the situation. “Oh, okay. Shows over folks.”_

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_Mrs Norbury is the only one who ever cares._

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_Janis relaxes her whole body and spins on her heels to sprint over to Cady, who is now kneeling on the floor. Janis wraps her arms around her, Damian putting his hands on their shoulders. She can feel everything slowly fading as she hears a jock call out: “Dy-” ___

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Janis’s eyes snap themselves open suddenly, cutting the boy in the dream off. She turns and sits up, panting heavily. She looks around herself, making sure of her surroundings. 

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“Holy crap.” She whispers into the darkness, finding herself in the warm safety of her bedroom. Her breathing does anything but slow, making her bring her legs up to her chest. This isn’t because of the nightmare necessarily, it’s all of her internal fear for Cady’s safety building up. She’s used to nightmares; she’s been having recurring ones since she was twelve. But the ones about Cady… They're recent. New. She doesn’t know how to deal with them. They always start with Regina finding out about her and Cady’s secret relationship, and always end up with her girlfriend getting hurt because of it.

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Janis pulls the long sleeves of her shirt down over her hands, covering her face. She can smell the lingering scent of Cady on it from their sleepover the other night, Cady had worn this shirt to bed. The sweet aroma comforts her almost immediately, allowing her to stretch her legs away from her again, shifting to sit across her double bed leaning back against the wall. She closes her eyes, taking in deep breaths and just trying to steady herself. The sleeves of her shirt are still under her nose. Cady smells amazing. Cady is amazing. Even though that was a dream Janis knows that’s exactly what her girlfriend would do in real life if they were ever in that situation. That’s why the nightmares are so scary; they could become reality. 

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After about 15 minutes of just sitting where she was, pushing her anxiety down to somewhere that she thought was suitably far away from her immediate train of thought, she decided it would probably be a good idea to check the time. She reaches over her bed and lifts her pillow, tugging on the white cord and pulling her phone towards herself. When she has a hold of it, she unplugs the charging cable and tosses it back over to where she found it. 

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“Shit.” She sighs, seeing that is 6am anyway and she needs to get up. She rolls her eyes, covering her face with her hands again and smelling the cady on her clothes. Today is going to drag.

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Cady Heron isn’t usually the kind of person to lie awake at night thinking things over. She just kind of acts on impulse and does spur-of-the-moment type of reactions. But things are different. 

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She woke up about an hour ago and now can’t sleep. It’s like there are so many thoughts zipping around her head she can’t even close her eyes, in fear of them overwhelming her.

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She has her girlfriend, Janis, to think about; many of those thoughts being good. Cady loves her so much. Every moment away from her is painful, but those moments where they’re together- but they have to act like they don’t even know each other- those hurt so much more. The redhead often finds herself wondering… What if things were different? What if… Regina was nice. What if… Janis was a boy. Then things would be different.

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There was also school stuff, obviously. Like mentally debating every day whether to join the mathletes or not. On the one hand, she can do math. Like freely- without having to worry about being the nerd in class. On the other hand, she’d be the nerd in class.

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On top of it all there’s what she’s doing to Regina, Gretchen and Karen. Spying on them; coming back to her girlfriend to report on “every stupid moron thing they say”. The amount of guilt she feels is immense, and it’s growing every day, twisting in her stomach like a painful knot. She doesn’t really know what to do with it. I mean, before the start of the semester she had very little, if not, no experience with learning how to deal with friends. But she doesn’t want to let Janis down. The plastics deserve it right? For what they did to people. Especially to Jan. The very thought of it makes Cady’s blood boil, but also makes her feel oddly cold. She doesn't even know the full story… but she knows enough to make her not want to become anything like them. 

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She sighs, dragging herself up when she hears her alarm go off. The constant ringing hurts her ears, making her groan in annoyance as she reaches over to hit the top of her bedside alarm clock, missing twice before finally managing to switch it off. She grabs her phone and flops back down on her bed and rolls over onto her side. She switches on her phone, smiling at the notification from Janis which she accidentally fell asleep on last night.

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my stupid space lesbian <3  
Today, 3:18 AM

jan  


night, caddy  
i hope you’re dreaming of amazing things  
i’ll see you tomorrow  
mwah

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Today, 3:25 AM  
i love you.  


Damn. That’s the first time Janis has said the L word over text; the second time in their whole relationship. The first time was two and a half weeks ago when they confessed their feelings. They had been fighting back and forth all day, both heavily trying to deny their feelings by pushing the other away. They were walking to class, Damian off at rehearsal, and the two girls bickering over something small and Cady snapped. She grabbed Janis’s hands and sharply pulled her into the janitors closet, making her roll her eyes.  


_“What?” She aggressively asks, crossing her arms.  
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_“Janis. I love you, it’s like not in a friend way and I really don’t know how to deal with it anymore because I’ve been feeling like this since I met you in homeroom on my first day.” Cady can feel herself rambling on in her panic. “Now I’m really scared of the way you make me feel so I’ve been skipping classes and starting arguments with you so that I avoid thinking about how completely in love I am with you but it never works because I just end up lying in bed thinking about you all night and I don’t know-”  
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_She’s silenced by Janis pressing her lips onto, the taller girl placing a gentle hand on her cheek. The feeling was indescribable. This moment was what both of them had wanted for the many weeks they’d known each other, and it was everything they had imagined. The fluttering in the pits of their stomachs, the panic; which was easily balanced by the amount of pure happiness and relief that their feelings were mutual.  
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_“Jesus, Caddy you can talk forever.” Cady opens her mouth to speak again, but is stopped by Janis bringing a finger up to the redhead’s lips. “I love you too, or whatever. God, I’ve wanted to do that for months.” The taller girl giggles.  
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_“You? giggling? A sound I’d never think I would hear.” Cady smirks, using her arms to push herself up onto a metal storage drawer behind her, wanting to be taller than her… friend? Girlfriend? Who knows. She’s happy, really happy, like finding it hard to wipe the smile off of her face happy. She hasn't felt like this since her first week in the US.  
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_“Yeah, well, get used to it.” Janis takes a step toward the adorable girl, placing her hands on either side of her legs, onto the cold metal surface. “Cady Heron, will you be my girlfriend?” She asks, inches from the other girls face, which is growing a light shade of pink. That makes Janis smile in awe, still in disbelief that this is happening.  
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_“Janis Sarkisian, yes. Yes I will.” Cady grins, leaning forward to close up the already lacking space between them… _  
Cady smiles to herself, remembering that sweet moment as she sits on her bed in the dark. She really needs to get herself ready for school.__

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my stupid space lesbian <3  
Today, 6:29 AM

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me  
good morning if youre awake  
i’d be surprised if you are you mustve been up pretty late  
also... psssst jan jan  
i love you too

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Cady smiles to herself as she puts her phone down, throwing her bedsheet off of her and using a lot of her energy to push herself up and out of her nice, warm, comfortable bed. But she has to see Janis. Plus, Damian is going to be back today, he has been away on some show choir workshop thing for the past four days and the remaining art freaks missed him. He’s definitely not going to stop singing today.  


Well, she says she’ll see Janis, but she’d be lucky. The only times she’ll see her today is before and after school, and in art. Cady’s always with Regina, and she can’t exactly be friend’s with both of the cliques, the plastics would kick her to the curb. Cady feels awful for not being able to spend time with her girlfriend; it’s all she wants to do and it’s painful to see Janis squirm uncomfortably every time Cady brings up the possibility of telling Regina about their relationship at some point in the future. She knows why, she understands. It just stings, watching her girlfriend hurt so much.  


She throws on her favourite dress, one that she doesn’t absolutely despise. Janis likes it, she complimented it when she wore it a few weeks ago, maybe that’s the reason Cady likes it as much as she does. Cady also puts on a pair of flats, wanting to give her feet a break from all of the heels, and a denim jacket. The jacket is probably the most practical, It’ll be a bit cold outside at 7am in the middle of november.  


jan  
good morning cads, i hope you slept amazingly <3  
are we still good to walk to school together today?

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Cady hears her phone buzz and immediately tends to it. She basically runs to reply to Janis whenever she sees a notification from her pop up. She is so totally whipped for this girl.

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me  
i did thank you my love. i hope you did too  
hell yeah  
do you wanna do something after school like… the three of us  
or the two of us i dont mind  
just cause damians back today isn’t he

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jan  
yeah i suppose i can put up with you both for a bit ;) you can sleep over if you want  
i’ll be at your gate at about 17:15 does that sound good?  
me  
yeah i’ll be there  
go eat some breakfast and drink some water  
jan  
i will don’t worry  
you take care of yourself too please >:(  
see u in a bit

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Cady puts her phone back down, walking quickly downstairs to go and eat something herself. Thankfully, her parents aren’t down here yet because she can’t deal with a lot of thinking right now. Especially not considering their most recent favorite topic of conversation; how much Cady has changed since being here.

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Janis pushes the bread down into the toaster, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the butter from the inside shelf. She places it down on the counter, pulling the plastic lid off of it ready for when the toast pops up. She can hear the faint buzz of the heating metal, trying to focus on that rather than her thoughts. Should she tell her girlfriend about the nightmare? It could be good, telling someone. Then again, Cady might freak out because the dream was about her and… dreams like that aren’t normal, they can’t be. Maybe Cady won’t want to talk to her ever again because Janis is the stupid weird phsyco girl who is so terrified of stuff that happened to her years ago, that the possibility of them haunts her sleep. 

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_God, I need help._

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The toast suddenly shoots up, making Janis jump in surprise. It’s a little bit burnt, but that’s fine. She quickly paints the butter onto the hot bread, watching it melt almost instantly. She slices the two pieces in half, grabbing a plate and putting the tub back in the fridge. She heads back down to her room in the basement, sitting in her desk chair. She has her legs thrown over one arm, and her back against the other. She pulls her phone out again, scrolling through twitter while she eats. 

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Janis hates mornings. Her dad is always out, or at work. Just like he is when she gets home; she’s starting to think he’s avoiding her. So mornings are always dull, unless Damian stays over. Or Cady. She loves falling asleep and waking up next to her girlfriend, Janis always makes sure the redhead is sleeping before she drifts off, she looks so… pretty when she's sleeping… peaceful, even. Janis rarely has nightmares when she’s got Cady in her arms.

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She keeps an eye on the time, not wanting to be late to get Cady. It’s 7:06, she’ll have to leave in the next five minutes. They only live about three minutes away from each other, which is good, because Janis didn’t know what she’d do if they lived further away. 

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She takes the last bite of her breakfast, before putting the plate on her table. She grabs her favorite green jacket, throwing it on and shoving things in her pockets. Pens, her wallet, her phone, stuff like that. Then she grabs her school bag, quickly checking she has all of her books before she swings it over her shoulder.  
Janis leaves a bowl of food for her cat, Ollie, before locking the door on the way out of the house. She rounds the corner off of her street, reciting the journey she knows so well. She used to do this before they were dating, none of the plastics live in this neighborhood so it’s not like any of them will find out. She crosses the street opposite Cady’s house, walking up her driveway and sitting against her fence, waiting. Her girlfriend’s parents aren’t too keen on Janis, so it’s best to just wait for thirty seconds outside. Cady comes bounding out excitedly, her hands resting on the straps of her bag. She’s adorable. 

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The shorter girl throws herself at Janis, wrapping her arms around the girls neck. She quickly reciprocates, bringing her girlfriend closer to her. They close their eyes, savouring this moment before their seven hours of hell. 

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“Missed you Jan.” Cady whispers, sighing heavily. 

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“Missed you too.” Janis buries her face into the crook of her girlfriend’s neck, feeling safe. It’s reassuring her that her nightmares are just that. Nightmares. Cady starts to loosen her hold, pulling back and making Janis frown a little at the loss of contact. 

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“Come on, we’ll be late.” The shorter girl smiles sweetly and takes her girlfriend’s hand, tugging her along gently. They walk down the street in a very comfortable silence, enjoying their little time to themselves. Eventually, Cady remembers something from this morning that she meant to bring up. “Hey, JanJan?” She quietly asks, not really knowing how well her girlfriend is going to take this question. 

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Janis looks down at her boots as she hums in answer.

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“You never answered my question earlier. About whether you slept okay, and I know you didn’t go to sleep until very late which you always do but did you?” Cady asks, stroking her thumb across the back of their linked hands. “Sleep okay, I mean. You seem a little tired and… And you told me before that sometimes you-”

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“I’m fine. I was just watching TV last night and I lost track of time, that’s all. Don’t be worrying about me, Cads. You have enough on your plate.” Janis still stares down at the sidewalk while saying that, not wanting to cause too much of a fuss, especially not right now. They’re only just outside of school, across the street and standing on a small patch of grass. There are a few other kids, not any that mean anything to Regina, so wouldn’t care if they saw Cady Heron holding hands with space dyke. They only really comment when the plastics are around.

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The shorter girl stops in her tracks, gripping Janis’s hand firmly and causing the taller girl to let out a small yelp as she is pulled back when she doesn’t realize Cady had stopped. “Okay… Now look me in the eye and say that.” Her expression has concern written all over it, and Janis hates it. She loves that her girlfriend cares enough to be so worried, but she hates that she has made Caddy feel as if she needs to be worried. 

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Janis sighs and obliges, working around the lies in that sentence because there is some truth in it. “Last night I turned on the TV at 10PM and then I lost track of time and didn’t turn it off until four.” All of that’s true… It’s just what happened after she might have to lie about. She’s usually a very good liar, but Cady just knows what is fabricated and what isn’t. 

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“Right… and then what?” Janis swallows thickly, hating this more than anything. “I went to sleep.”

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“Janis Sarkisian. Don’t you think you’d have learnt by now that lying to me is not going to get you anywhere?”

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“Fine! Jesus, Caddy. I had a nightmare when I fell asleep.” Cady shifts on her feet, understanding now and placing a reassuring hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “And it was about… The usual… and this time it involved… you.”

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“Oh, Jan, baby, why didn’t you call me? You know you can call me when you’re thinking about that and you can’t sleep. I don’t care if you wake me up, I’m always there for you and you could never bother me with anything.” Cady brings a hand up to cup Janis’s cheek. “I love you, yeah? You’re never a burden to me, ever.”

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Janis smiles, soft. She leans her head into the touch, feeling Cady push herself onto her tip-toes and peck her lips quickly. “Thank you, Cads. I lo-”

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Suddenly Cady’s eyes go extremely wide, as she very quickly steps far away from the taller girl, leaving her hurt and confused. “What?” She asks, not intending for there to be as much emotion in that one word, but a lot of it managed to slip through. Cady is just staring at something behind the art freak, mouth open slightly and unblinking. 

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Janis spins, then she sees it- him. “Oh.”

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	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter can be a little touchy for some people so please read the notes at the start!  
> basically a huge damian & cady friendship chapter (i love them a lot), with a lot of cadnis content so you get what you came for :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings for this chapter!  
> dissociation  
> panic attacks - it's not detailed i don't think, i tried to keep it as vague as i could but you know it's happening  
> trauma ment. - not detailed at all, just brings up what happened between janis and regina and how that affects janis  
> let me know if i missed some or anyone needs any more <3

Janis spins, then she sees it- him. "Oh."

Aaron stands across the street, mouth agape slightly and eyes wide. "Shit." Cady whispers, her shoulders tense. The three just stare at each other, not moving, one party out of fear and another out of shock.

Janis can feel herself losing more and more control, trying to keep it together as a million thoughts whirr in her mind. This. This is exactly what she was scared of. Aaron is going to tell Regina, she'll tell the plastics and all of the juniors will know by second period, at most. It's over.

She's borderline hyperventilating, too aware of the situation when she doesn't want to be. She wants to be in Damian's arms, watching a scary movie and not thinking about anything, where she should be. Janis is so aware of how dangerous this thought process can be for her, she hasn't felt this terrified since before she even met Damian. She can absentmindedly feel herself shaking, kind of being half aware of what she's physically doing because all of her energy is on the mental side of things and trying to stay herself.

She steps back and catches Cady's arm with her elbow and grabs her attention as she nearly falls, barely able to hold herself up.

"Janis." Cady says, now aware of her girlfriend's state. Janis is still staring at Aaron, well, staring in his direction. Her eyes are so out of focus and clouded with tears he just looks like a faint blob of paint on a canvas. She wills herself not to cry, not here, not in front of Cady. "Hey, breathe." Her girlfriend moves around and places a gentle hand on Janis' face, grounding her a tiny bit and figuring Aaron has already seen enough to know what is going on so she might as well comfort her physically. Janis blinks back the salty water in her eyes, her vision coming back a little and feeling less dissociative. 

"I'm fine." She croaked, shaking her head and stepping away from Cady again, afraid people might be lurking. This is all her fault, why did she have to show that weakness to Caddy. Especially here.

The shorter girl has a pained expression, understanding of what Janis is probably feeling considering her past, but still hurt by the sudden distance between them.

"Oh god." Janis whispers as her eyes follow something in the distance. Cady turns, concerned about whatever Janis has just seen. While the redhead knows a vague outline of what happened to her girlfriend when she was twelve, she sometimes wonders about the details. What happened obviously caused Janis lasting trauma, with the nightmares and other struggles she has, along with things Cady is sure happens behind the scenes. She knows Janis loves her, but there are so many things she wishes she were told about. 

Regina's light pink convertible pulls into the lot. Ah. 

Cady spins on her heels back to where Janis should've been, only to see that she'd left already. 

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Not here. Not here. Not here. 

Janis weaves her way through the semi-crowded hallway, willing herself not to cry until she’s in the security of the art room. She’s basically running, not bothering to look behind her and see if Cady’s following or not. Aaron just saw them kiss. Not like, in a way they could pass off as friendship. Regina George’s boyfriend just saw the space dyke kissing Cady Heron. They’re not even supposed to talk to each other.

She flings open the door to the classroom, not caring if it’s empty or not. It should be, no one should have art class today (at least, not in this room. The freshman’s classroom is down the hall) and she usually has the room to herself before school anyways. Not that she would be able to make it to another classroom before she breaks down; if there were someone in here they'd have to witness it. Janis throws her bag on the floor next to her, leaning back against the wall forcefully, and a little painfully, before sliding down it and pulling her knees up to her chest. 

It’s all going to happen again, she’s going to have to be pulled out of school again. Everything she has nightmares about is coming true. 

She doesn’t know when Damian came to sit next to her, wrapping her up in his embrace. But she nestles into his side comfortably, still in hysterics until everything starts fading.

\---

The bell tolls for lunch, and Cady hasn’t seen Janis since this morning, or Damian at all today. She knows where to find them, though.

She pushes through the crowded areas, all going against her direction and towards the cafeteria. She would’ve done this sooner, but she knows it just would’ve made Janis freak out and make everything ten times worse. Has she left enough time? Cady really wants to be careful with things like this, because what Regina did to Janis is still an open wound and she’d hate to see her girlfriend fall apart over it again.

But what if she already is.

She stops outside the door of the art room, contemplating. She loves Janis, and she wants nothing more than to help her, but she’s also very aware of the space she needs to give. 

Cady internally fights herself for a second, before whispering a small “fuck it.” and enters the large room. She looks around, scanning the room for any signs of life.

“Shh!” She nearly jumps out of her skin, whipping her head around to see Damian sat on the floor with his finger on his lips. Cady sighs in relief, also seeing Janis tucked into his arms, head on his chest and sound asleep. She smiles at the sight, before frowning deeply at the dried tears on her cheeks. “Cady Heron, you better tell me what in the hell happened right now.”

“Yeah, in a minute.” She whispers, dragging a stool over; her stool. The one she sits on sometimes to watch her girlfriend do arty things. “Is she okay?” 

He nods. “Yeah, she is now.” Damian looks down at her, sighing, before looking back up and pouting. “My ass hurts though.” 

Cady responds with a breathy giggle. “Yeah, well I’d imagine it does. How long has she been asleep?” 

“Only like, an hour, the rest she was just… Y’know, crying. Or struggling to breathe. God, nothing like this has happened for years. I don't even know if she'll remember it all, she used to dissociate really badly during stuff like this.”

“Oh. Yeah listen, about what happened...” Cady begins, unable to take her eyes off of Janis. This is her fault, she shouldn’t have pushed Janis to talk about what was bothering her this morning, let alone kiss her in a very public place. She’s very aware that Damian is waiting for her to continue, but she’s trying to find the words. He can be patient. He is patient.

“You don’t have to say if you don’t want to. Did you have a fight with her and say something dumb again?” He pushes a little, prepared to stop if Cady wants him to. She plays with the fabric of her clothes, and takes her eyes off of her girlfriend to look down at the floor, shaking her head and laughing a awkwardly. 

“Oh, no. We didn’t argue, it’s nothing like that. But I did do something dumb.” He nods, obviously sensing Cady’s discomfort and respecting it. “I want to tell you I’m just… Trying to find the words.”

“Okay, I can wait if you want.” He gives her a reassuring smile and pats the space on the floor next to him, moving very little so as to not stir Janis, but tilting his head in gesture. “Come sit, little slice.”

She places the stool back where she found it, shaking her bag from her shoulder and placing it next to Janis’, which had clearly been discarded anywhere when she came in because it’s halfway across the room. Cady can’t imagine what she must’ve been feeling, she doesn’t want to imagine it.

On her way back over to her friends, she smiles again at the way Janis looks when she’s sleeping. She adores her, and she rarely gets to witness Janis sleeping, because the brunette always ensures Cady is asleep first. Actually, the redhead isn’t even sure Janis sleeps. She makes a mental note to make sure next time. 

Cady bends down to plant a kiss on Janis’ forehead before she flops down and lets Damian wrap his free arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side. He’s warm, like always, and he’s just- there. Like always. She leans her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes letting out a breath she didn’t realise she was even holding. 

“Are you okay? Sorry, I never even asked.” Damian rests his chin on her head.

There is a short, tense silence.

“Aaron knows about Janis and I” Cady breathed, rushing her words. “He saw us this morning, Janis was telling me about something, and I thought no one important was around, this thing was really upsetting her so I-” She chokes and stumbles on her words, tears forming in her eyes for no apparent reason. “I wanted to comfort her so I kissed her.”

Damian tightens his hold on her, squeezing her shoulder lightly in comfort. “Okay, this is okay, you’ll be okay. I promise.” He whispers, kissing her hair. 

“I already spoke to Aaron, I begged him not to tell anyone but I have no idea if he’s trustworthy or not-”

“No it’s okay Caddy, you’re fine. I know Aaron, he won't tell anyone.” Damian just casually says. 

“Wait you don't have classes with Aaron. How do you-” The redhead wipes the one singular tear that rolled down her cheek with her sleeve, turning her head to look at him in confusion, only to meet his gaze and see him smirking. Her eyes widen in realization. “Oh, Jesus.” 

“I prefer Damian, but sure you can call me that.” Cady rolls her eyes but grins at him “And yeah. It was before he got back with miss queen bee though, ew. No way am I going near him right now.” Cady chuckles in disbelief, turning her head back to rest her cheek on his shoulder. “Yeah other people have secrets too, y’know Caddy.”

She nods, smiling at the wall opposite them. It’s a miracle Janis is still asleep. Though she didn’t sleep much last night, Cady reminds herself. Oh yeah. There’s the other thing she needed to worry about. 

“Speaking of secrets. Jan’s nightmares have gotten worse, haven't they. That’s what she was telling you about?” The girl takes a sharp breath in. How does he know literally everything. She nods as she lets the breath out. 

“How did you know?” 

He squeezes her arm in reassurance once again. “I figured. She’s tired, she barely speaks, she’s sending good morning texts before anyone else. The same as last time. I’m not going to say what I think they’re about, because I have no idea whether she’d want me to know, but I have my suspicions.” His suspicions are probably right. He’s always right.

“What do I do.” She inhales, closing her eyes and probably looking pained. “I want to help her, but I have no idea how. And the issue isn’t going to go away just because you think Aaron won’t rat on us. This is going to affect her so much.”

“You’re right, it most likely will. I honestly don’t know when she’s going to feel comfortable enough for you two to go public, but be patient. I know a hell of a lot more about what happened to her than you do, mainly because I was there for some of it, but also because she wants to protect you. She doesn’t want you to have the same experience she did. And she also doesn't want you to be scared of the possibility like she is. I know, she’s a little stubborn bitch.” He jokes, making Cady giggle. “And so are you. But you’re each other’s little stubborn bitches, and my little stubborn bitches, and Janis does just want what she feels is going to protect you, because neither of us want to ever see you get hurt.” She nods, playing with the button on his plaid shirt. “Just be there for her, y’know. In between infiltrating the plastics.”

“Yeah. I know.” She smiles to herself. “Damian?”

“Mhm?” 

“I really love her.”

“You say this like it isn’t painfully obvious, and hasn't been painfully obvious since we practically jumped you in the bathroom.” 

She laughs quietly. “Yeah, you’re so right. I really do mean it. And I hope she means it too.”

“She does. You’re forgetting I’m her right hand man, what do you think we talk about when you’re not at our table at lunch.” She looks up at him again with her confused expression, scanning his face for sincerity. She beams up at him when she finds it, knowing they’ll probably never bring that up again. She’ll be lucky if they bring any of this up again. 

She once again moves her head back to its position, still fiddling with the little blue button on his shirt half-consciously. 

"Damian?"

"Oh jeez, Caddy what? Can I get a moment of peace?" He mocks annoyance, and she knows he's joking.

"My ass hurts." He removed his arm from around her shoulders and punches her on the upper arm haphazardly, and she pretends to be in pain. Her giggles give her away though.

They sit in an incredibly comfortable silence, waiting for Janis to awake. The bell comes and goes, Cady knowing her next class is gym and she'd be skipping anyway, with Regina, Gretchen and Karen. She frowns at the thought of them, they're going to ask where she's been. She'll think of some half-assed excuse, Regina will believe anything that doesn't interest her.

About half an hour of a kind-of domestic bliss went by, and Cady notices Janis' shivers and gets up to take her jacket off, draping it over her girlfriend as Damian watches them, smirking and teasing a little. 

Cady's now a little cold, but she doesn't mind. 

An hour after that, when Damian himself had drifted off into a sleep out of pure boredom and Cady's fighting her own drowsiness, she hears Janis hum. She moves to kneel in front of them, smiling softly.

"Jan?" The redhead hesitantly asks, still inside of how this will go. She tucks stray blonde hair behind the other girl's ear. 

Janis groans, slowly lifting her eyelids and blinking at the bright light. Before her eyes focus on Cady. 

"Oh hey Caddy." She lies there for a bit, letting Cady reassure herself that Janis isn't mad, because she knows that's what she's thinking. After about 5 minutes, she brings a hand up to rub her eyes, shifting her weight onto the other one so she isn't resting on Damian anymore.

"Morning." Cady replies sarcastically. She watches as Janis sits up and crosses her legs, stretching her arms before getting seemingly very lost in thought for a good few minutes. Cady just lets her, observing all the little expressions and twitches she's doing. "You okay?" 

"Um. Yeah. Hold on, can you go get my bag?" Cady gets up and hurries over to where their backpacks were abandoned, grabbing Janis' spiky black one and skipping back to her girlfriend and sitting opposite her. "Thank you!" Janis grins at her, looking like it took a lot of effort, and Cady appreciates it.

She pulls out a bottle of water, downing about half of it before offering the rest to the redhead, who declines. She shrugs and searches around in her bag, Cady just watching her face change as she gets a lot frustrated for not being able to find what she wants.

"Cads do you have any mints? I can't find mine." She asks, giving up.

"I think so." She reaches for her jacket, which slid off of Janis when she sat up. Cady reaches into the pocket and pulls out a half eaten packet of soft mints. "There." She doesn't quite understand why Janis' first thought when she woke up was mints, but she doesn't question it.

"Oh, tits. Thank you." She takes them and Cady giggles at the choice of words. 

Okay, so she's herself.

"I'm-" Cady begins, after Janis has eaten one of the mints.

"No, Cads. C'mere." Janis cuts her off, standing up and straightening herself out by decreasing her jacke to the best she can with just her hands. "Woah, okay. Headache." She blinks a couple times and brings a hand to her forehead. Cady finds it cute. Then she remembers headaches mean pain and finds it less cute.

"Are you good?" She subconsciously grabs Janis' hand to steady her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just stood up too quick. Okay. Now c'mere." The taller girl grins as she pulls Cady towards the counter at the side of the room, which is thankfully cleared and clean for once.

She silently tells Cady to sit on it, patting the surface, much like Damian does. Cady does as told, and Janis stands in between her legs, taking her other hand now too.

"Y'know what the mints were for?" Cady shakes her head, biting on her lip anxiously. Janis looks down at the other girl’s lips, then down at their joined hands. She smiles when she looks back up, raising her eyebrows at the small action, subliminally telling Cady to stop before she draws blood. "This." Suddenly Janis leans in, closing the already limited space between hers and Cady’s faces and kissing her softly. The redhead is taken aback by this sudden action, but is soon reciprocating. 

Yes. Mints were a good idea. 

Janis lets go of her girlfriend’s hands, wrapping her arms around Cady’s waist instead, and the shorter girl doesn’t complain at all. Cady runs her fingers through the brown in Janis’ hair, the world blurring away. 

“Ew, what’d I wake up to. Gross.” Janis quickly jumps away as they both let out small screams of surprise, cheeks burning red, seeing Damian standing leaning against the wall. “I’m leaving now, say what you gotta say.” He waves his hand, eyes lingering on Janis just a little too long to convince her he isn't worried. “Or like… I dunno, do what you gotta do.” He smirks again, seeing a flustered Janis looking at him like she wants to kill him for that one, before opening the door to the classroom and taking his bag with him. “Later, lovebirds. I’ll be in rehearsals.” 

As soon as the door slams Cady and Janis burst out laughing, not really for any particular reason but it’s genuine laughter. 

They collect themselves, nearly in tears. “Okay, okay, okay.” Janis pushes herself up to sit next to Cady, who is still chuckling away to herself. That makes the brunette’s heart warm. “Right. Serious stuff.” Caddy clears her throat, taking a deep breath and shuffling herself to an angle where she can see Janis, and have her legs hanging over the edge of the counter at the same time. 

“Cady. I love you, a lot. Which is scary, because I don’t want you to get hurt, which is how everyone would feel about someone they love, except- I honestly can’t remember a time when I wasn’t scared of Regina. Scared of what she’d do to Damian, or me, and now you. I don’t know when I’m going to stop being so scared of her power, and I dont know if I would ever forgive her even if I did stop being scared of what she can do. But um…” She trails off, and Cady can see she’s struggling, so she takes her hand, running her thumb along the back of it. “I understand if you don’t want to be in a relationship where you have to hide, I do get it. This isn’t me asking you to stay, or whatever. I’m just telling you I care about you a lot, and that I just need time to figure out what the hell I want to do. I’m trying.”

Cady nods slowly, understanding and trying to process things. “Okay.”

“Okay?” 

“I get what you’re saying. I love you, Janis. A lot more than you think I do. We can take this however you want it to go, you can make the big decisions. With my input, obviously." Janis smiles gratefully, and Cady pretends she can't see the wetness in her eyes. "Oh- by the way. I spoke to Aaron, he says he won’t tell. And… Damian can vouch for that.”

“Oh shit, Damian actually told you about that?” Janis laughs, throwing her head back when Cady nods nervously. “He made me swear on Beyoncé's life never to speak of it again.” 

“Wait- so you knew Aaron wasn’t going to say anything?” Cady asks, only giving Janis a breathy laugh. “Or… Did you just no thoughts head empty?”

“I get no thoughts head empty a lot, Cads. It’s fine, it’s over for now anyways.” She reaches to tuck a loose auburn lock behind her ear, watching as her girlfriend blushes lightly. “Cady Heron, you are so in love with me it’s painful.” 

“Yeah. I am. Wouldn’t you like to know, Janis Sarkisian.” They grin softly and catch each other’s eye, right as the final bell goes. 

“Come on, you’re sleeping at mine, remember.” Janis half jumps off of the counter, the sudden movement forcing her to remember her headache. She groans loudly. 

“You need aspirin or something, we can stop at mine on the way to your house and get some. We need to stop anyways, I need clothes for tomorrow.” Cady rambles, collecting her jacket from the floor. She can’t believe no one found them in here all day. Janis groans even louder. 

“There’s aspirin at mine, you can wear my clothes, I’m fine. There. Now we can go straight home.”

Home. 

Cady stops to think about that for a second. Their home. She’s sure Janis hadn’t meant it like that, but wow, that's a weird thought. Weird, but amazing. She pulls herself out of it when she feels arms wrap around her waist again. “No, we aren’t waiting that long, you’re in pain. Now stop being stubborn.” Damian’s right, like always. Janis mutters something about being fine, but knows this is a losing battle. 

\---

That night they settle down to watch a movie, much to Cady’s dismay, a horror one. Janis used her ‘You can make the big decisions’ line against her, insisting that choosing a movie is a very big and important decision, and Damian, not wanting to watch The Lion King for the fourteenth hundredth time, agreed. 

As per usual, Cady is nuzzled into Janis’ side out of sheer terror throughout (not that Janis would ever complain about that) and Damian falls asleep again about an hour in. 

When Cady is pretty sure she can hear the end credits, she lifts her head out of where it was buried into Janis’ shoulder, whimpering a scared: “Is it over yet?” and getting no response. She sits up, concerned, but immediately regrets moving. Janis is asleep before she is. Cady slowly lowers herself back down to cuddle into her girlfriend's side, trying not to wake her with more movement. She smiles from ear to ear, unsure of why this is making her so happy. Janis does make her happy, and today; Damian especially, has given her a little crumb of reassurance that Cady makes her feel exactly the same in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! that's all. i hope you liked it, i enjoyed writing it!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Constructive feedback is appreciated, this is the first time I've published mean girls stuff so I'm sure there must be some things I could improve on. I hope you liked this! I'll upload the next chapter soon :) There is only going to be two or three, I just wanted this out here as soon as possible


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